Many feel lonely, unloved, uncared for, anxious, depressed, insecure. What is the scriptural solution of this problem?
Question:
People of different nationalities, religions and ages feel lonely, unloved, uncared for, anxious, depressed, insecure at different times in their lives. Sometimes people feel like that, even while living in seemingly normal families. Such feelings seem to grow stronger in old age. Is there a practical way prescribed in the Vedas to solve this problem?
Answer:
To understand the solution to this problem, it is important to first understand the root cause of the problem of depression, loneliness, anxiety, etc. It is a popular belief that good health, loving family, abundant wealth etc. are a source of happiness.
It is also believed that the absence of these things makes people unhappy and may give rise to depression and other such negative feelings. However, careful observation reveals that while some people have disparaging emotions, others in the same situation or even worse situations, lead a normal life.
People of different nationalities, religions and ages feel lonely, unloved, uncared for, anxious, depressed, insecure at different times in their lives. Sometimes people feel like that, even while living in seemingly normal families. Such feelings seem to grow stronger in old age. Is there a practical way prescribed in the Vedas to solve this problem?
Answer:
To understand the solution to this problem, it is important to first understand the root cause of the problem of depression, loneliness, anxiety, etc. It is a popular belief that good health, loving family, abundant wealth etc. are a source of happiness.
It is also believed that the absence of these things makes people unhappy and may give rise to depression and other such negative feelings. However, careful observation reveals that while some people have disparaging emotions, others in the same situation or even worse situations, lead a normal life.
The human form of life is endowed with intellect. Using that intellect, one must ponder; why is it that some people, who have no family, wealth or security, lead a normal life, whereas others feel lonely, dejected and sad even though they are materially much better off?
The reason of feeling low and dejected is negative thinking. The one who focuses on a half full glass remains happy, while the one focusing on half empty glass is unhappy.
The reason of feeling low and dejected is negative thinking. The one who focuses on a half full glass remains happy, while the one focusing on half empty glass is unhappy.
Parents dream of obedient, caring kids, who would look after them in their old age
Most parents spend most of their time, effort, energy and money in planning a bright future for their children. At the expense of their personal needs, they work tirelessly to meet the needs of their child. If however, the child is very demanding and expects much more than what the parents can provide, the child remains unhappy and forever ungrateful to his parents.
It is heart-wrenching to see children grow up and be abusive towards their parents. Being rejected and ill-treated by their own children, is very depressing for parents, who have always dreamt of having obedient, caring kids who would look after them in their old age.
Unfulfilled expectations are the cause of negative feelings like depression, anxiety etc. There are certain guidelines for every society. Just like the duty of a parent is to raise their children to be responsible citizens, similarly, respecting the parents and looking after their physical well-being is the duty of the children. However, if either the children or the parents desire more than what the others are ready to provide, dissatisfaction, anger, anxiety creep in.
We all want to be happy but naively believe that happiness lies in material beings and material things. This causes two odd results -
It is heart-wrenching to see children grow up and be abusive towards their parents. Being rejected and ill-treated by their own children, is very depressing for parents, who have always dreamt of having obedient, caring kids who would look after them in their old age.
Unfulfilled expectations are the cause of negative feelings like depression, anxiety etc. There are certain guidelines for every society. Just like the duty of a parent is to raise their children to be responsible citizens, similarly, respecting the parents and looking after their physical well-being is the duty of the children. However, if either the children or the parents desire more than what the others are ready to provide, dissatisfaction, anger, anxiety creep in.
We all want to be happy but naively believe that happiness lies in material beings and material things. This causes two odd results -
1. All material objects degenerate and ultimately get destroyed.
The happiness derived from temporary objects is temporary in nature.
The happiness derived from temporary objects is temporary in nature.
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जनयत्यर्जने दुखं तापयन्ति विपत्तिषु । मोहयन्ति च सम्पत्तौ कथमर्था सुखावहाः ॥
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janayatyarjane dukhaṃ tāpayanti vipattiṣu ।
mohayanti ca sampattau kathamarthā sukhāvahāḥ ॥ |
“There is effort and stress involved in acquiring material pleasures. The acquisition of material pleasures gives rise to delusion and the loss of material possessions gives rise to pain. Thus, there is misery in all three states - before the possession, during the possession and after the loss of a material object. So when are they gratifying?"
2. There is no happiness anywhere in the material area. The world is a manifestation of Maya. Happiness is a synonym of God. The ultimate limit of material happiness is the attainment of the abode of Brahma (creator), which too is for a limited time and ends in misery, as the individual soul is sent back into the 8.4 million species of life.
In summary, we desire to attain the matters of the world, for we anticipate receiving unlimited happiness upon possessing them, but our actual experience is the exact opposite. So, it is imperative to understand that there is no happiness in this material world. God alone is happiness. Hence don’t waste your time in searching for happiness in this material world.
One experiences the feeling of loneliness, when one believes themselves to be in the company of people, who don’t love them, don't have their best interests at heart or won’t be there in their hour of need. So, let us imagine that there indeed was someone who;
You might think that would be perfect, but looking around us, we are unable to find the existence of such a selfless person.
But our scriptures reveal that there are two such entities who fulfill all the requirements listed above. Those two personalities are God and Guru. God is our eternal parent, friend and relative. The individual soul has every relationship with God. God remains with the soul at all times, in all situations. He cannot stay away from the individual soul even for a fraction of a moment, even though we the jeev, have been ignoring Him since eternity. God never gives up on us.
2. There is no happiness anywhere in the material area. The world is a manifestation of Maya. Happiness is a synonym of God. The ultimate limit of material happiness is the attainment of the abode of Brahma (creator), which too is for a limited time and ends in misery, as the individual soul is sent back into the 8.4 million species of life.
In summary, we desire to attain the matters of the world, for we anticipate receiving unlimited happiness upon possessing them, but our actual experience is the exact opposite. So, it is imperative to understand that there is no happiness in this material world. God alone is happiness. Hence don’t waste your time in searching for happiness in this material world.
One experiences the feeling of loneliness, when one believes themselves to be in the company of people, who don’t love them, don't have their best interests at heart or won’t be there in their hour of need. So, let us imagine that there indeed was someone who;
- Loves you unconditionally and always has your best interest at heart
- Won’t leave your side no matter what
- Is fun to be with
- Never imposes His wish on you and gladly accepts everything you have to offer
- Forgives and forgets all of your past misbehavior
You might think that would be perfect, but looking around us, we are unable to find the existence of such a selfless person.
But our scriptures reveal that there are two such entities who fulfill all the requirements listed above. Those two personalities are God and Guru. God is our eternal parent, friend and relative. The individual soul has every relationship with God. God remains with the soul at all times, in all situations. He cannot stay away from the individual soul even for a fraction of a moment, even though we the jeev, have been ignoring Him since eternity. God never gives up on us.
Think deeply about such a precious friend, who,
1. Lovingly takes care of us every moment, despite our hostility towards Him.
2. Accompanies us everywhere regardless of whether we go to a holy or unholy place, clean or dirty place, hell or heaven, temple or bar. God is Omnipresent and is our real well-wisher so He is there. Also, Guru stays with us always and protects us.
3. Despite being Omnipotent, God does not force us to worship Him. Whether we accept His existence or not, we love Him or abuse Him, He is equally merciful to all. He has the power to turn the water and air into poison for the non-believers in a moment. But being ever so kind and merciful, He treats everyone with kindness, be it a demon or an atheist.
4. He is self-satisfied which means He does not need anything. He declares:
1. Lovingly takes care of us every moment, despite our hostility towards Him.
2. Accompanies us everywhere regardless of whether we go to a holy or unholy place, clean or dirty place, hell or heaven, temple or bar. God is Omnipresent and is our real well-wisher so He is there. Also, Guru stays with us always and protects us.
3. Despite being Omnipotent, God does not force us to worship Him. Whether we accept His existence or not, we love Him or abuse Him, He is equally merciful to all. He has the power to turn the water and air into poison for the non-believers in a moment. But being ever so kind and merciful, He treats everyone with kindness, be it a demon or an atheist.
4. He is self-satisfied which means He does not need anything. He declares:
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यत्कर्मभिर्यात्तपसा ज्ञानवैराग्यतश्च यत् । योगेनदानधर्मेण श्रेयोभिरितरैरपि ॥
भा. ११.२०.३२ एवं भ.र.सिं.
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yatkarmabhiryāttapasā jñānavairāgyataśca yat । yogenadānadharmeṇa śreyobhiritarairapi ॥
bhā. 11.20.32 evaṃ bha.ra.siṃ.
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“Whatever could be attained by rituals, austerity, knowledge, renunciation, yoga, and alms etc. I provide all of those to my devotees without waiting for them to ask”. In other words, he takes care of all material and spiritual needs of a surrendered soul.
5. Out of love He gladly accepts things offered with love eventhough He does not need anything whatsoever from anyone. As He says in Gita,
5. Out of love He gladly accepts things offered with love eventhough He does not need anything whatsoever from anyone. As He says in Gita,
“I accept the trivial offerings of a leaf, flower, fruit, or water as long as it has been offered with a loving heart”.
Can you think of anyone being so generous, so as to gladly accept water as a gift or even a leaf? Imagine! What can we give to the Lord of the Universe? Whatever we possess is material and that is also given by Him. But to honor our sentiments of love, He accepts everything that we offer with a loving heart. Our scriptures tell us that, in an state of ecstasy of love, Vidurani offered banana peels, which He accepted but refused the 56 varieties of sumptuous food offered with pride by Duryodhana. 6. His extent of forgiveness is also unfathomable. The moment an individual soul submits himself to God, God forgives the innumerable sins committed by the individual soul against God and His dear saints. At that moment, He immediately enriches that soul with divine grace. |
Shri Krishna accepted love-filled banana peels from Vidurani and rejected sumptuous meal from Duryodhana
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Ponder on this point deeply – how can we dream of achieving happiness, by turning away from such a merciful master, and turning towards the material world, which is itself devoid of happiness?
So, the simple solution, suggested by God Himself is,
So, the simple solution, suggested by God Himself is,
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यत्करोषि यदश्नासि यज्जुहोषि ददासि यत् । यत्तपस्यसि कौन्तेय तत्कुरुष्व मदर्पणम् ॥ २७
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yatkaroṣi yadaśnāsi yajjuhoṣi dadāsi yat । yattapasyasi kaunteya tatkuruṣva madarpaṇam ॥ 27
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“Whatever you do, eat, or give remember Me and feel My presence everywhere and in everyone”.
Practice feeling the presence of Shri Krishna at all times, while keeping your mind constantly busy in his divine service. This will spare you from thinking about the matters of the world. Shri Krishna is bliss, you will get bliss from Him.
Practice feeling the presence of Shri Krishna at all times, while keeping your mind constantly busy in his divine service. This will spare you from thinking about the matters of the world. Shri Krishna is bliss, you will get bliss from Him.
Feel presence of Shri Krishna while performing all actions
Further, the hope of attaining happiness from material matters (in the form of wealth, fame, parents, spouse, siblings and friends etc.) has disappointed us since eternity. Practice offering everything to Hari and Guru e.g.
Wherever you go, whatever you do, feel He is with you. Practice to make Hari and Guru the cynosure of every action you perform. Such practice would keep your mind engaged in Shri Krishna. With just a few days of such practice, you will start experiencing togetherness with Him, as if you are walking, talking, eating and playing with Him. You will then have no time to think about who loves me, who does not, who talks to me, who does not, etc. You will get an eternal companion and in His company, you will get rid of all mental illnesses like loneliness, depression and other such ills.
Imagine that bliss!!
So, to summarize, you should be aware of two things and sincerely put those in practice:
Putting this into practice and achieving perfection will bring pure, unadulterated, unlimited bliss into your heart and combat the feelings of loneliness, despair and dissatisfaction forever.
This is the only way to combat all negative emotions.
The choice is yours.
- offer the food to Shri Krishna and eat it as prasad
- clean your house thinking that this is the residence of Shri Krishna
- bathe, so as to feel fresh while serving Him
- sleep, so as to feel energetic while serving Him
- earn money, to maintain the body and to support spiritual causes supported by a true saint
- commute to work with Him, travel to places keeping Hari/Guru with you
Wherever you go, whatever you do, feel He is with you. Practice to make Hari and Guru the cynosure of every action you perform. Such practice would keep your mind engaged in Shri Krishna. With just a few days of such practice, you will start experiencing togetherness with Him, as if you are walking, talking, eating and playing with Him. You will then have no time to think about who loves me, who does not, who talks to me, who does not, etc. You will get an eternal companion and in His company, you will get rid of all mental illnesses like loneliness, depression and other such ills.
Imagine that bliss!!
So, to summarize, you should be aware of two things and sincerely put those in practice:
- Do not expect true happiness from any material entity. This will save you from getting disappointed and will also foster positive thoughts and ideas.
- Increase your faith that Shri Krishna alone is yours. He is the ocean of happiness. He is my well-wisher. He is always with me, no matter where I go and what I do. It is by pleasing Him alone, that I will achieve true happiness.
Putting this into practice and achieving perfection will bring pure, unadulterated, unlimited bliss into your heart and combat the feelings of loneliness, despair and dissatisfaction forever.
This is the only way to combat all negative emotions.
The choice is yours.
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जो प्राप्त वस्तु है उसका अनादर करने से निराशा आती है ।
Being ungrateful for the grace already received causes despair.
- Jagadguruttam Shri Kripalu Ji Maharaj
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