2021 Sharad Poornima
Parent upset with their child
Question
I get upset with my 4-year-old daughter but I don't know why? What should I do?
Answer
The main reason for getting upset or angry are our unfulfilled desires. The fulfilment of a desire gives rise to greed, and the non-fulfillment of a desire gives rise to anger. We wish to fulfill our desires in the hope of attaining happiness, however, the ocean of desires is endless while we have very limited means at our disposal and hence our desires remain unfulfilled. Moreover, even if all our material desires were fulfilled, it would still not provide us with lasting bliss.
So, we are forever dissatisfied even if we were to receive the kingdom of earth. Ved Vyas Ji says -
I get upset with my 4-year-old daughter but I don't know why? What should I do?
Answer
The main reason for getting upset or angry are our unfulfilled desires. The fulfilment of a desire gives rise to greed, and the non-fulfillment of a desire gives rise to anger. We wish to fulfill our desires in the hope of attaining happiness, however, the ocean of desires is endless while we have very limited means at our disposal and hence our desires remain unfulfilled. Moreover, even if all our material desires were fulfilled, it would still not provide us with lasting bliss.
So, we are forever dissatisfied even if we were to receive the kingdom of earth. Ved Vyas Ji says -
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यत्पृथिव्यां व्रीहि यवं हिरण्यं पशवस्त्रियः।
नालमेकस्य पर्याप्तं तस्मात्तृष्णां परित्यजेत् ।। भागवत
Yatpr̥thivyāṁ vrīhi yavaṁ hiraṇyaṁ paśavastriyaḥ ।
Nālamēkasya paryāptaṁ tasmāttr̥ṣṇāṁ parityajēt॥ Bhā
"Even if one were to get the luxuries of the entire world, still one's desires will remain as unfulfilled as they are today".
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We would be dissatisfied even after we get kingdom of earth
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Shrimad Bhagavat Mahapuran says even Indra is not happy with being the king of swarg. He anticipates that perhaps becoming Creator Lord Brahma will give him the bliss he seeks.
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Our efforts don't yield the desired result since "we try to extract butter by churning limestone water", not knowing that there is no butter in limestone water. Thereby, we get frustrated when despite our best efforts, our desires are not fully satisfied. We try to pin the blame of our failure on others and if we do not find someone else to lay the blame on, we engage in self criticism, self pity and when the worst gets the best of us, try to pin the blame on someone who is weak and defenseless.
I presume something similar may be the case with you. You may be finding yourself in situations which do not fit your desires. In those frustrating moments, you end up getting angry and upset at your child, who is totally dependent on you for everything. I feel sorry for her and it seems you feel the same, but are so compelled by your anger that you behave in a manner that you do not want to. Please be advised that all mundane pleasures and sufferings in this world are the outcome of the good and bad actions performed in our previous lifetimes. |
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The crest jewel of saints - Prahlad, was born in a demon family. One day, while his Guru was away, Prahlad addressed the demon boys and told them about God. His fellow demon boys wanted to know "we all want comforts and you are telling us to worship God. We would rather work for getting physical pleasures". To answer their question Saint Prahlad said (1) -
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सुखमैन्द्रियकं दैत्या देहयोनेन देहिनाम्।
सर्वत्र लभ्यते दैवात्। यथा दुःखमयत्नतः । भा ७.६.३
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sukham aindriyakaṁ daityā, deha-yogena dehinām |
sarvatra labhyate daivād, yathā duḥkham ayatnataḥ | manmanā bhava madbhakto madyājī māṃ namaskuru | bhā 7.6.3
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"O demon boys! In this world both physical happiness as well as agonies come to you according to your karma of past lives.”
The happy moments in this life are predestined according to karmas performed by the jeev in previous lives. Similarly, calamities also befall us without any effort or desire. So, it is unwise to strive for all kinds of happiness. You will receive physical comforts automatically without any effort (2). Similarly, we do not want to undergo any miseries in our life, instead we try to avoid them at all costs, yet we suffer.
The happy moments in this life are predestined according to karmas performed by the jeev in previous lives. Similarly, calamities also befall us without any effort or desire. So, it is unwise to strive for all kinds of happiness. You will receive physical comforts automatically without any effort (2). Similarly, we do not want to undergo any miseries in our life, instead we try to avoid them at all costs, yet we suffer.
The Solution
So, we should understand that whatever occurs in life, without any desire and effort, is predestined. Instead of getting frustrated by those unwanted situations, we should resolve to do good in this life to avoid the similar miserable situations in future lives.
If you feel unknown rage towards anyone, recall the philosophy, repent and pray to God to control your mind (3). Torturing an innocent child is a sin. Try your best to avoid that demonic rage by using the recipe below.
Try to increase your Sadhana (4) and practice to feel the presence of God all the time with you. Feel and ponder on the point repeatedly, "He is so merciful and so loving. I do not remember Him often, I am not grateful for His unlimited grace either. He gave me the human form, a good body, good mind and an opportunity to attend satsang as well. Still I am not listening to Him even for my own benefit".
Such thoughts of gratitude and Sadhana would help you to control your mind. You will become a parent capable of caring and supporting your innocent child.
If you feel unknown rage towards anyone, recall the philosophy, repent and pray to God to control your mind (3). Torturing an innocent child is a sin. Try your best to avoid that demonic rage by using the recipe below.
Try to increase your Sadhana (4) and practice to feel the presence of God all the time with you. Feel and ponder on the point repeatedly, "He is so merciful and so loving. I do not remember Him often, I am not grateful for His unlimited grace either. He gave me the human form, a good body, good mind and an opportunity to attend satsang as well. Still I am not listening to Him even for my own benefit".
Such thoughts of gratitude and Sadhana would help you to control your mind. You will become a parent capable of caring and supporting your innocent child.
